Why I Was Afraid of 30

 

 

Last Saturday, I turned 30.

30.

3 - 0.

I feel like an alien, if that is melodramatic enough.

I guess it is because for a decade (a decade!) I have identified with being in my 20's.  Being in my 20's felt like a safe place to be.  What is safe about a number, anyway?  I know it is all in my head...but...here's why I was afraid of "30"...

30 sounded "old." This isn't the first thought anyone turning 30 has ever had in the history of man...but when I encounter anyone younger than me who is inquiring of my age...I can imagine the response: "Oh! So, you're old, then."  No.  I am just...aged...like, a good cheese or wine. What?

30 feels like the point of no return.  Across the last 10-year span of my life, which started with being mid-way through college, I have lived in a few different countries, conceived four kids (four!), and done a myriad of other "big" things.  But, for some reason, the decade that started with college football games, reckless credit card spending and guy crushes (do I sound "young enough"?)...continued on to where I was technically aged until just one week ago.  29 still didn't sound so removed from 20.  But, when the anniversary of my birth day dawned...it felt like I could no longer imagine that I was the same girl who went to frat parties and could still fit into a size 2 pair of jeans.  Yikes.

30 just plain snuck up on me.  And now, I can't avoid it.  I loved shocking people here in Thailand with the fact that I was a mommy of four and not yet into my thirties (whereas Thais, like Americans, are getting married and having kids later in life, lately).  I loved answering that I wasn't yet 30.  The faces I got were priceless.  Now, when I say that I am thirty, it is as if their faces say to me: "Oh yeah, that fits." 

Don't worry, I am not still wallowing in a pit of despair with puffy eyes, having a third-of-the-way-through-life-crisis.  It wasn't really until the end of April that I even realized that these thoughts were wafting through my brain.  And, when Saturday came and went, I still didn't even know how to feel. 

But then, I got a truly fabulous email from a friend, W, about all the ways she wanted to encourage me into my thirties rather than to let me stay in a state of nervousness and insecurity.  In my next post...I will share some of the things she had to say. 

How about you?  In the season of life that you are in, what are some of the things you are loving, or hating, about it?  I would love to hear.  Share in the comments below:

Blessings,
Alina