Saturday, November 9, 2013

10 Easy Steps For How to Draw Attention to Yourself in Thailand

These tips have come from my own (embarrassing) personal experience, and from watching other foreigner's personal experiences as they live in and visit Thailand. 

If you ever find yourself hopping a plane over here to our neck of the woods, you'll thank me, or not, for sharing these tips with you: 

10 Easy Steps For How to Draw Attention to Yourself in Thailand 

1. Be really, really loud. A lot. In public places. Especially when in a conversation with someone else.

2. Have white skin. Works every time. This is especially effective if paired with blond hair and blue eyes. Mercy on your soul if you have all three. You might have just become the most popular person in the room. Ever. 

3. Show a lot of skin. Sleeveless shirts and shorty-shorts are a must to accomplish this attention-getter. 

4. Have lots and lots of babies. Any number higher than two will shock others regularly and cause them to think you run a preschool in your own home. 

5. Forget to use a straw when drinking out of a bottle or can. Hey, didn't you ever read the article about the bacteria on the tops of those containers? Drink from a straw and live. (And you simultaneously avoid awkward dribbles of Fanta over your chin. It just makes sense.) 

6. Pick your teeth in public. Don't discretely cover you mouth, either. You lose points for that. 

7. Wear your shoes inside. 

8. Spit, loudly and with great distance. 

9. Hug your spouse/significant other in public. Better yet, a smack on the lips will really turn everyone's heads. 

And lastly... 

10. Whatever you do, don't smile. Keep those smiles to yourself. Everyone will be very sweet and concerned for your welfare. They will tell you to just forget ("mai ben rai") your troubles and cheer up. But, if you sincerely don't want the masses confused by your permanent frown, then cure your melancholy nature and just take a look around you. You are in one of the most beautiful countries in the world, and it's people's own smiles are too contagious to resist. I dare you, just try.

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